There is so much emphasis placed on “having confidence.” these days. It seems like everyone wants to know how to “have confidence”.
Where’d my confidence go?
If I only was confident, then I’d [GO AHEAD AND FILL IN THE BLANK]
As if it could just magically disappear or arrive in your life.
When I first started my business I was NOT confident. In fact, I doubted myself every step of the way, so much so, I made literally ZERO dollars for the first 1.5 years.
Because I was constantly WAITING for the magical day to be confident THEN have everything fall into place.
Here’s the thing…
Confidence is NEVER the cause.
It is never the catalyst.
It is never the spark of creation.
Confidence is the EFFECT of taking daily, regular courageous action.
Confidence is a RESULT, not a requirement to get started.
When you put the emphasis on confidence, it’s like putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable of a word - it makes...
You’ve seen it - that random friend request from some stranger in the marketing industry. Or that comment on your insta to “collab.”
You feel it…
You know it’s coming…
And you think...
“AAAAAHHH! I'm about to be hit over the head with another bad sales pitch in my DM's! No, not again!”
Sleazy, creepy, unaligned sales tactics from "marketing gurus" and "business coaches" can make the sales relationship feel like you've got a toddler tossing shit at your face.
You don't want it.
You really don't
You love the person - agape love, always, my friends.
Run for the hills.
Look, sales are one of my FAVORITE things on the planet.
Not because I just love the feel of receiving $30,000 after ONE call (and I'll admit, I was totally shaking through that ENTIRE call the first time it happened).
I remember back before Decky was born when my business was making pittance - and by that I mean, absolutely nada - that I was living in the lap of this one luxury.
No, it was not our one-bedroom apartment in Koreatown.
Nor was it the fancy designer handbags and shoes I’d vigilantly saved up to buy year after year.
This was a time when I had very little responsibility aside from paying some credit card bills and for my second-hand fancy Audi that I thought made me a badass. To be fair, I loved and manifested my car - Cecilia - and manifested a heck of a deal for a Q5, but, to be honest, it was just another “instagrammable” showing of “success” rather than fully embodying it.
I was in this place in life, where I didn’t really HAVE to grow.
I didn’t really HAVE to be courageous.
I didn’t even HAVE to get scrappy with my thinking, or resources because I always had JUST ENOUGH coming in to cover my expenses...kinda.
I had just...
I do some of my best thinking from bed on my phone.
No, I’m not scrolling or consuming.
No, I’m not on Instagram or Facebook, looking at how many likes something I’ve shared has or hasn’t received, or waiting to be triggered by someone’s comment.
I’ve trained my tool to be a vessel of creativity.
Most of my blogs, posts, and emails are written from bed on my phone.
Most of my client prep before coaching calls happens as I review my notes from my bed, the night before.
I write them, create them, then refine the next morning over an almond milk cappuccino in the cafe downstairs.
Now, you may be thinking, “But that’s not HIGH PERFORMANCE!”
And I know I’m probably making any productivity coach CRINGE in their seats, because “That’s not the way it’s done.”
High performance is whatever you make “high performance” means to you.
For me, high performance means...
Here’s the hardest part about how I coach - I’m not going to TELL you what you want to hear.
I’m not going to tell you the answer.
So many clients have come to me looking for the answer - in me, externally, as If I have the solution to solve their life.
And about 1/3 of the way in they realize this...
I’m not letting them take the easy way out.
Looking externally for solutions and validations and validations for the solutions you want to have or the results you want to create is what got you into this mess in the first place.
You’ve got to go within.
And I will reflect back and guide you, and ask you questions and notice patterns and challenge those patterns and beliefs that come up but ultimately...
And any other coach who says they have the answer or the solution for what you MUST DO TO SUCCEED - well they’re perpetuating the codependent cycle that you’re already stuck in.
Are you scared of being judged? Ridiculed? Hated on? Ever think….
What will they think if I do…
What’ll they say if you share…
I could never do XYZ because then they would think...
First of all - who TF is this elusive “they” who are scaring you out of doing your soul work?
The ones who judge you, belittle you, mock you, aren’t the ones who are doing it.
You put yourself out there.
You do the freaking work.
You show up.
You dive in.
You go deep.
You face those f*cking demons.
You fight your own fears like a warrior as you march into the arena to claim your power.
Let the spectators say what they will.
The ones who judge you will NEVER be the ones who are doing it.
Now hear me out Queen, because it’s time for some tough love...
Judgment is NOT feedback, constructive criticism, or calling you on bullshit excuses.
That’s actually compassion.
That’s LOVE in action.
Don’t like being manipulated? Ugh, me neither. So, stop hiding ALL of who you are.
Authenticity is the antithesis of manipulation.
Trying not to make waves.
Not wanting to rock the boat.
Playing nice so that people will like you.
Hiding your truth.
I’ll be honest, I used to do this ALL. THE. TIME.
My mom jokes that throughout most of my early twenties, I was like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride.
A chameleon in my relationships.
Showing men only the sides of me that I thought that they thought they wanted in order to be loved.
And it worked until it didn’t.
Until my soul begged for authenticity, truth, and REAL LOVE.
Because that’s what love is.
LOVE IS TRUTH.
I joke now that Spike was my experiment in honesty - pure, 100% raw, truth. Literally two hours before he...
While one of our core values as a company and for me personally is “Grow or Die” (hardcore, yes I know)...
At the same time, even I get scared of the growth that is to come.
Perhaps the greatest and most revered act of courage is knowing that you’re headed into a season of growth, and going forth and forward with it.
Whether you identify as a Christian or not, around the world, Jesus is praised for knowing what was going to happen to him - knowing that betrayed, ridiculed, judged, crucified - and still going through with it anyway.
Courage requires you to step up, at the moment, and show up, even when you don’t FEEL ready.
Like the woman who forges ahead to face the man who raped her at his trial.
Like the parent who forges ahead when the diagnosis is “terminal” and they still...
Every next level requires a deepening, a recommitment, a remembrance of the vision you are creating.
When Spike and I first made the decision to stay in Australia, we made the commitment not knowing when we would return.
He thought a few weeks
I thought a few months.
And here we are over one year later.
I joke we packed for three weeks and are now staying for three years.
Back in January, a deepening to the commitment to live here happened again.
It wasn’t just my dad’s death. That was also the time our visa was about to expire.
Do we go back to family, friends, and the familiar, in the face of tragedy?
Or do we continue to lean into the vision we set forth eight years ago - traveling the world, raising our kids in different countries, experiencing new cultures, and enjoying the freedom in this pandemic-free paradise?
We also had to look at the life that we were currently providing to our kids,...
Fear inspires no one. Sure, it motivates. Of course, you can really get moving with fear, but ultimately chaos and fear don’t inspire.
Inspiration is divine. It’s soul connecting with soul.
Courage is inspiration in motion.
Having the courage to admit when you’re scared.
Having the courage to go into the arena.
Having the courage to do what someone else won’t or believes they can’t.
Courage ignites the flame of possibility in others. Fear snuffs it out.
Inspiration is hope.
It’s an example of the possibility that there can be something greater, something beyond, something worth going for.
For usually, when you’re acting with courage, you don’t know how it’s going to play out. Heck - whoever does!
Courage is taking that aligned action, and moving forward in faith.
It’s not always what someone else said you “should” do or...