Kimberly Spencer (00:02.319)
New level, but it's the same damn devil just wearing a different dress.
Kimberly Spencer (00:12.34)
What if the problem that you thought you healed a decade ago in another form? Maybe it's in your relationship or in your body or in your business or in your finances, suddenly pops up again in a new belief system in a new form. Ooh. I just I nearly fell out of my chair. That was so good. Let's see. Over here. Here. There we go.
Kimberly Spencer (00:46.874)
New level, same damn devil in a different dress. At least she's upgraded her wardrobe, folks. What if the problem that you thought you solved over a decade ago actually happens to be showing up again, but in your business or in your relationships or in your health or in your body or in your wealth? Eee, that's what we're diving into today.
Here's something I learned after two decades of entrepreneurship. Well, okay, 18. We're getting close there though, folks. And also after more than two decades and after Here's what I've learned after nearly two decades of entrepreneurship and having coached high-achieving leaders at the six, seven, and eight-figure level for the past decade.
Kimberly Spencer (01:50.988)
You can change the circumstances of your life.
Kimberly Spencer (01:57.516)
You can change the circumstances of your life without actually changing the specific exact belief that shaped how you responded to those circumstances in a different form. Let's break it down.
Kimberly Spencer (02:25.548)
You can heal your relationship with your body, but you still might find yourself in relationships or in business or in money struggling to hold your self worth.
Kimberly Spencer (02:41.942)
You can leave the relationship with that narcissist, but you may still find yourself in a business partnership where you're overgiving and you're constantly continue and you're people-pleasing, where you're overgiving and you're undercompensated and you're constantly people-pleasing and you're so scared of making the wrong move and you're paralyzed to take action. Different circumstances,
different people, different form, it's just the same damn devil. She's just wearing a different dress.
Kimberly Spencer (03:24.846)
And sometimes that devil isn't necessarily, And sometimes that devil isn't necessarily a person. that It could be a situation, it could be a situationship, it could be a belief system, it can be some other form of how this shows up.
Kimberly Spencer (03:57.326)
So today on the Crown Yourself. So welcome to the Crown Yourself Podcast. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, subconscious success strategist to high-achieving, high-performing, and high money-making founders. and Marvin wants to get up. The podcasting dog wants to join. Hop up, buddy. Okay.
Kimberly Spencer (04:19.169)
Today we're talking about what happens when subconscious belief systems just shift forms because there was an underlying deeper thing that's driving you.
Kimberly Spencer (04:35.65)
And today I'm gonna share with you how I healed myself from a decade-long battle with bulimia, and yet how bulimia still ended up showing up in other forms because of the belief systems that hadn't yet been alchemized.
Kimberly Spencer (04:56.674)
So we're gonna talk about the psychology of responsibility. We're gonna talk about the psychology of responsibility, the just-world bias. And if you've never heard that term before, it just might be your favorite on the planet, if you're like me. And why high-achievers can become extraordinarily good at taking so much responsibility for everything. Hello, recovering control freaks. Nice to meet you. Hi, I'm Kimberly.
But we take responsibility for things that were never ours to carry.
Kimberly Spencer (05:38.712)
So welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where we challenge the belief systems, identities, and strategies that are shaping your success so that you can create a life and business that truly reflects who you are at your soul's core.
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Around here we talk about the real, Around here we talk about the real work of leadership, business, visibility, and becoming the person that your next level requires. So if you're ready to stop repeating those old patterns, So if you're ready to stop repeating those old patterns in new circumstances, and if you're daring and bold enough to
question your belief systems, which quite frankly takes a lot of courage, And to create success without make and to create success without making yourself suffer for it, hit subscribe. Stay tuned, because we're gonna get into it.
Kimberly Spencer (06:54.616)
So, And I just want to have a little trigger warning on this. This episode will talk about some traumatic events that happened in my past and how they actually shaped belief systems. You don't have to have massive capital T trauma like childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, which is what I I experienced, in order to have a belief system jump forms.
But we're gonna get into what those belief systems are and what happens when you've had something, whether it's something traumatic that happened to your ch to you in your childhood that you can't explain. Maybe you lost a loved one, maybe you lost, maybe your parents got divorced, maybe you knew you were gay and you had to closet yourself. Maybe you had sexual trauma as a child. Maybe you had you you were abused or punished or spanked or
had some form of capital T trauma that you had to process. This podcast dares to be as trauma informed as possible. And if any of these topics are highly triggering for you and they activate something inside of you, I invite you to always seek out proper professional therapy.
So for years I carried this belief system inside of me. I carried a belief that I deserved to be punished, that I deserved bad things to happen to me. Now, this can be for a multitude of reasons. Transparently, I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household which really preached about you deserve to be punished. You are a sinner, you are you deserve help
like without the redemption of Jesus. And I have had to spend 39 years now reconstructing my relationship with Christ and God. And it took years for me to even be able to say, God, like to be able to have a relationship rather than like skydaddy with lightning bolts who was there to smite me. Like that It took a long time to heal that relationship because of
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quite frankly, the apocalyptic trauma that I had preached into me at a very young age. And simultaneously, as much as the church can be a wonderful outlet for growth, for development, for connection to spirit and source and soul and God, at the same time, what I witnessed at home was not the case. I would see my dad
vacillate from addiction into hyper focus and vigilance around religion. I would see hypocrisy in my home to the point where I got to see my dad arrested when I was six, five or six. He was arrested for drunk driving. He was a master of persuasion. Like I love I love my dad. We had a very complex relationship. It took a lot of healing and a lot of time. He did
sexually abuse me when I was about five or six, one time, but once is enough, to form belief systems around what you believe you deserve. And that and And also to form a paralyzing continuous sphere of protection and hypervigilance to make sure it doesn't happen again. So
in my healing journey, which has spanned a decade, and I always tell my clients, I didn't come into personal development look through the through the mindset. Like I didn't come to it through the subconscious mind. I didn't come to it through therapy. I actually came to it through the body, through Pilates. And then I practiced what was called cranial sacral therapy. I had a lot of cranial sacral therapy, which is somatic therapy to help re-regulate the nervous system.
And it was through those experiences that I actually had the somatic healing that my body needed to process a lot of the trauma that comes up growing in a household, growing up in a household of addiction. Because if you've ever been around an addict, there's super high highs, there's super low lows, and there is a hypervigilance that children of addicts end up using as a coping mechanism and as a survival strategy to be able to
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navigate their own safety and to be able to make sure, like so I could hear by how my dad walked or by how he approached me if he had been drinking or if he hadn't. Because I always say I grew up with four dads. I had the really cool sober dad. Like when my dad was sober, he was so freaking amazing. I had the stoner dad who's like who also was amazing, but he didn't do much. He just played on a couch and ate a lot of
candy coated peanuts. And then I had the opioid popping dad, which was the the de a different form of mania and challenge. But the alcoholic dad was the most dangerous. And growing up in a household where my dad was an addict, he was an alcoholic until I staged his intervention in 2016. He was still an addict until the 20 a year before he passed away. It It was a journey of
healing. In that space, though, as a child, what happens is when things happen to you that are not right, they're not fair, It's it's not fair, it's not right. I was the victim of an experience, but I chose to carry into my early adulthood and teenagerhood a victim mindset. And I always say that there is a very big difference between
being a victim of an experience and carrying in a victim mindset. So what happened was, was I formed what I then researched, later researching in writing my book,
in later researching to write my book, I discovered this psychological principle called the just-world bias. And it's quite apropos for right now and what's going on in the world around women and sexual assault and violations of women's bodies, quite frankly, because it's the absolute asinine toddler part of our brain that's trying to make everything fair and just in the world.
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And when something is not fair or just or right in the world, and your heart and your soul knows it, knows that it's like an abomination to abuse a child or to abuse a woman, like your your soul knows it. Like we can you The truth will set you free, but first it's gonna piss you off, and it's gonna piss off your ego that's attached to a story that wants to be right.
But your soul is always gonna know when something is wrong, ⁓ deeply at your core. So we have this just-world bias that comes into play And it is literally the toddler part of our brain, the toddler side of our subconscious mind, and it's literally the toddler side of our subconscious mind that is going, "This isn't fair, this isn't right". And so what happens is then we start to make up all these reasons as to why
it must be right. Because even though our heart, our soul are like, no, no, this is wrong, we have to it it goes against our belief systems, our ability to even process, like, no, that's unfair. That's unjust. That's why it's called a just-world bias. And we filter this just-world bias, and this is where you start to hear thick crazy things on the news of like, her shorts are so short
that it's just it's turning met too many men on. Like dudes look away. Like, come on.
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This is where we hear, excuse me, I have a little sniffles. This is where we start to hear ridiculous things like, she must have wanted it, or she, it was the her outfit. She wore her shorts were too short. And that's why it was the problem. That's why she was sexually assaulted. Like, do you really want to say that to a five-year-old girl? I don't know. That excuse doesn't quite land. But that's that's literally the the
unconscious trying to make right something that was unjust. And what happened was for me, I ended up developing a belief around what I deserved. So combine that with fundamentalist religion and having actual abuse, that created a really funky picture around what I believed I deserved. I believed as a child that I deserved to be punished, and I ended up creating my own form of punishment
through bulimia and a 10-year battle with bulimia because in that space I would nourish myself and then I would punish myself for having nourishment. That's basically what bulimia is. It's if you are And quite frankly, a lot of high-achievers have some form of really strong ability to have to be hypercritical of themselves, to be
really good at self-flogging.
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And while I was able to completely heal, and I'm talking completely heal from an eating disorder that had plagued me for two years. And this happened from when I learned Pilates, I started regulating my nervous system, working with the body, and then I was working with cranial sacral therapy to actually work through and heal my body and to recraft the story.
that the and the stories that had been created and embedded basically in my body, in my nervous system from childhood.
Kimberly Spencer (17:36.107)
I learned
Early on
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But the pro let me see.
So while I was able to completely change my relationship with my body, and I knew I'd completely healed it when I walked in the beauty pageant of Miss California 2010. Yeah, it was 2010. And I was Miss West Burbank, and I had spent the past couple years really healing my relationship with my body. And I walked out onto that stage in a bikini without having starved myself, without having been hyper obsessively working out,
without having purged for two years, I walked out on stage and I heard the roar of the crowd. And I looked at these faceless judges, like they were in the shadows at right at the edge of the stage. And I looked at them and I realized I didn't need their validation anymore. I didn't need them to give me a crown. I didn't need them to award me. And in that moment, I crowned myself. And that's where the name of my company came from.
But what happened was was that because I didn't change that very core deep-seated belief around what I deserved, while I'd healed that devil of the beliefs and feelings and fears around food and my body, it shifted forms into my relationships. And suddenly I was manifesting not best
partners. In NLP, you quickly learn that your partner or who you choose as a romantic partner is more or less a reflection of your unconscious mind. That's why you'll never hear me speak ill of my husband. I think he's absolutely amazing. I think he is he just He prepares. He is so proactive. He deeply cares and nourishes me. I will
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I can hear my daughter.
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He He deeply cares for me. And like I I won't speak ill of him. The other men that had been in my life who robbed me of a hundred thousand dollars, who threw me into a bathroom and hit me, those ones were a reflection of the belief, again, of that I deserved to be punished.
I changed And so then when I shifted again and went through and had a transformation, going through multiple experiences of pretty poor choices in men and choices that were not aligned for my highest and best, even though the experiences did prepare me for my husband because I realized what I didn't want. When I prayed the prayer to manifest my husband, I prayed that I would be a hundred percent authentic.
And for 14 years, my amazing husband, Spike Spencer, has been my experiment in absolutely unadulterated honesty and compassionate candor. And I have been very crystal clear about what I want, my ambitions, my goals, my dreams. He has supported me, he has championed me. We've had the tough conversations, but we always come back to that foundation of compassionate candor. And so the change happened in my relationship.
And I manifested this amazing man, ended up meeting him. And simultaneously, once I met him, I then had the opportunity to go into business in my e-commerce business into a partnership. And so that belief system followed me. It jumped shipped from relationships and it popped into my business. And suddenly I was overgiving, undercompensated, underappreciated,
and the the only woman in a group of all men. And I spent months fighting for my buyout when my business partner said he wanted me to no longer be a part of the company. And I fet spent months fighting multiple lawyers for that buyout and having to fight for my worth. And once I received that check, that was a moment where I really had to
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allow myself to look at this underlying belief system of deserving.
Kimberly Spencer (22:13.314)
Because while the circumstances changed, the people changed, the play was the same of the underlying belief system of what I believed I deserved showing up in each different form. And then after receiving that check, guess where it decided to jump shit? Because right after receiving that check, I ended up going on my honeymoon, coming up with the idea for Crown Yourself in a little Airbnb
off the coast of Italy in twenty fourteen, officially started the company in twenty fifteen, and guess where it jumped into? Cause suddenly my business and my purpose was aligned. Oof. Then it jumped in to money and finances and what I lovingly call financial bulimia.
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Because I kept coming back unconsciously to this same question. What did I believe I deserved? And so suddenly I have a body that I love. I have a husband that I love. I have a business that fuels me a business. We're gonna call it a business because it was not making money until 2016. It was bare Like I think it made $115 in its first year. I I used to say zero.
Then I checked the records and I was like, nope, we made 15. And then I found another hundred that I got from a client who paid me a hundred dollars for coaching for four sessions. Those are not my rates at all. Not at all right now. But that experience really showed me around what I believed I deserved. And so it jumped ship. And so suddenly this belief, because I'd never actually dealt with this belief around what I believed I deserved.
It showed it Now that my body was in alignment, I had a great marriage with a man that I love, the co-founder of my amazing children. And then a business and an idea that I was building and loving, building and having so much fun doing photo shoots and have bringing women together in in symposiums and connecting them. And I had that that I loved. So of course it jumps into money.
Right, that's the next form for it to jump into because where else is it gonna go?
And then it jumped into my children. And once it jumped into the belief of after giving birth to my first son and some of the challenges that we had in that first year, I had to look that belief so square in the face around the belief that I thought I deserved for negative things to happen to me in my life.
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That was really hard to face.
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Yes, but that is and was very hard to face. And it took about a year and a half to really process it. Because
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Just because you stopped one behavior, just because you've stopped tolerating some things in one area of your life, doesn't mean you've recognized every area, the underlying pattern is showing up.
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And when things happen in the world, and a lot is happening in the world right now, so I think this is a very appropriate time for this conversation. When things happen in the world that are not fair, that are not just, that are not right, and bad things happen to good people.
And we want to believe that good things happen to good people. And if I'm just good enough, or if I'm smart enough, or if I try hard enough, then everything's gonna work out for me. And that's just not, that's just not life. Like life has its ups and downs, and sometimes you try your hardest and it doesn't work out. But when something deeply unfair happens that you feel is unjust.
For the high-achievers, typically, especially those who've experienced childhood trauma in some form, and I'm talking like capital T childhood trauma, usually for the high-achievers, we overcompensate with hope hypervigilance. And so we never want to go back to the place of being a victim again. So we hyper-control.
We try to hyper-control our circumstances. We try to hyper-control our environment and how people react to us and how people perceive us
so that it keeps us safe because we don't want to be a victim again. But what happens is that puts us into the drama triangle of then being the villain of our story. Because we then end up taking a hundred percent of responsibility for our choices and taking a hundred percent of responsibility or even just some percentage of responsibility for somebody else's choices.
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But here's the thing, I can take a hundred per and I had, but so I had this conversation with a client of mine years ago, and he was going through a divorce. no, that wasn't so I So I had a conversation with a client of mine years ago, and he was deeply struggling that the mother of his children, who he'd been divorced from for a decade, was still struggling financially.
He was the typical breadwinner. He was incredibly successful, but he was struggling with the fact that she was still financially struggling. And he took it as it was his fault because he caused the divorce. He was the one who wanted the divorce. And the problem is that I asked him, I said, so when does she get to take responsibility for her choices?
And he paused for a second. And I said, because you've been divorced for a decade, right? Like, how long are you going to take responsibility for her life scenario? She's had a decade to make her own choices free of you. And that shook him. And I said, You are allowed to take a hundred percent of responsibility for your choices. And you are, and we're working through some of those choices and how they're manifesting and showing up in your business now.
And she gets to take 100% of her responsibility for her choices over the past decade, none of which are yours. But he was taking 10, 20, 50, 100% of her responsibility to solve her own life problems. And unfortunately, you only have 100% responsibility over yourself.
You can take 100% of responsibility for your healing, for your choices, even the choices that you may have made that may have caused someone else harm or hurt without taking a percentage of the blame for someone else's harmful choices. And I say to this as the victim of an experience.
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You can take a hundred percent of the responsibility for your choices, for being in that circumstance, for maybe having that drink. Those are Those were your choices, yes. And for your healing, you can take 100% of responsibility for your healing without taking even 1% of the blame for someone else's harmful choices. Those were their choices to make.
And they were wrong for making those choices. It doesn't make them any less wrong the fact that you choose to take a hundred per the It doesn't make them any less wrong for ha for when you take a hundred percent responsibility for your choices. But the only way that you can create change in your own life is if you actually take a hundred percent responsibility for your choices.
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Responsibility is one of the most powerful tools you can use to alchemize and co-create with God's source universe. There we are coming back to that. And yet, if you take responsibility, if you take responsibility for things that you don't control, a lot of high-performing leaders will misconstrue that as being good leadership. It's actually not. It's actually self-punishment.
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And this can show up for a lot of fat ouch, Marvin. Even Marvin's knows that's a good one.
Even Marvin's like, Yep, agreed.
But the same is true in leadership and business. You can take a hundred percent of your responsibility for the choices you've made in how you lead your team without taking a hundred percent of the responsibility from your team member whose job was to execute and they failed at the execution.
Kimberly Spencer (32:17.634)
So look at where in your life. I think so. I think we could To wrap this up, I think we can all look in our life as to where the just-world bias is showing up, as to where the just-world bias, and this can be from any place that you look and you feel like that's not fair. And you try to make conscious reasons and stories about
why that thing happened, why that thing you think isn't fair happened. And especially for my high-achievers, which I know is pretty much all of you listening to this podcast. I really encourage you to assess where are you taking a percentage of responsibility that was never yours to carry? Where are you taking, Where are you allowing yourself to be the villain
in the story that you were a victim of just to protect yourself so that you can be safe? Where are you allowing
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And so I want to help you In this episode, I want to help you recognize when a new when an old belief system has jumped ship basically into a different form. So just think of one thing in this past month that
has been a reoccurring experience.
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We don't want to immediately label it just a limiting belief because not every recurring experience is necessarily a limiting belief. Sometimes that can be a boundary dropping, sometimes that can be a limitation on the standards that you've laid out that you expected. But I want you to look at a recurring experience. This can be in your business, in your personal life, in your body, where you're like, this always is happening. Like this has happened more than once. That's a pattern.
We can address a pattern. Once we find the pattern, we can address the pattern and we can stop it.
Where in your life or your business are you experiencing the same emotional outcome
even if the circumstances or the people have changed? So this can be emotions like resentment, guilt, overresponsibility, overwhelm, feeling undervalued. All of those are experiences. If you have experienced that and it keeps on repeating, that's a sign that something is coming up from your unconscious mind, allowing it to come through for healing.
And when I say healing, ⁓ integration. So we're no longer living in two separate parts. We have integration between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. Then, what are you trying? what are you then number two? question number two, what are you repeatedly doing to try to prevent that outcome? So are you over-delivering? Are you hyper-controlling?
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Are you avoiding conflict? Are you avoiding a difficult conversation? Are you seeking approval? Are you just wanting to be liked? What are you repeatedly doing that is trying to prevent that same outcome? And then number three, what do you believe might happen if you stop?
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Would someone be disappointed? Would you lose approval? Would you no longer feel valuable or needed?
Look at my latest Entrepreneur article around being needed in your business as a seven-figure founder if you want a really good example.
And then ask yourself number four, because we always want to look at is And then question number four is this something that requires an internal shift, a practical shift? like Meaning like you actually have to have a conversation, set a boundary, fire someone, not have chocolate in your home, like whatever it is, like is it something that actually needs a practical shift, like a practical, tangible change,
An an internal shift, or does it need both? Sometimes, more often, it actually needs both. ⁓ we need to attach that internal shift with action. Sometimes the answer is better boundaries. Sometimes, Sometimes the answer is a different business model. Sometimes the answer is not having chocolate in your home and then only choosing to have chocolate when you go out. Sometimes
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Sometimes it's therapeutic support for supporting you and feeling safe in your body. Sometimes it's both. Sometimes it's all the all of the above.
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You're not and here's Here's the point though. We're not trying to seek out evidence that there's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. You are not your behavior.
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We're trying to understand and excavate what you've learned, how it's been serving you, how it's been keeping you safe or helping you feel like you're in control or allowing you to get approval. Those are the three Trojan horses. Go back to the podcast where I talk about the three Trojan horses of your subconscious mind. Because those Trojan horses allow you to see what you're ready to change at for your next level.
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And so go through that exercise, go through those questions and really allow them to sink in and explore. Because you can change your environment. You can change your circumstances. And as you change your circumstances, that's a sign that you are internally changing because your environment reflects you.
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You can change your business, you can change your relationships, you can change the number of dollars that you have in your bank account, you can change the amount of revenue that you bring in on a monthly basis, you can change your weight. All of these you can change. And these changes can be extraordinary and they can be extraordinarily fast too.
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But I want you to consider really looking at changing the way that you see yourself.
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Because you can spend your whole life trying to prove that you're worthy and prove that you deserve good things through your success without ever giving yourself permission to actually let it land, to actually believe it.
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You can build an incredibly successful business while also feeling incredibly responsible that everything ends with you.
And that you're responsible for everything and everyone inside of it. You are and you're not, because all of them have sovereignty and autonomy too.
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This is not about stopping being ambitious or stopping
This is not about no longer taking responsibility for the things that are actually yours to heal. You are responsible for your own healing. You are responsible for integrating the lessons that you've learned along the way. You are responsible for allowing your body to be a compass to say, hey, this doesn't feel right to me. This doesn't, You are allowed and responsible for trusting your intuition or choosing not to.
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So, this is not an abdication of responsibility, nor is it an abdication of other people's responsibility for the things that they may have done to you that have caused you hurt or harm. But what this conversation is about, it's about truly looking at the deep undercurrent belief system. And if you have had a similar feeling that has followed you through multiple dresses of the devil,
and I say of the devil, not as in the devil, ⁓ with horns or things like that, but the the belief system that is causing you, not causing you, the belief system that is following you throughout these areas of your life. When we get to look at truly excavating what those belief systems are,
that's where true quantum leaping happens. Because if you have a belief system that's following you, ⁓ I did over a decade in multiple forms. It took seeing how I can serve beyond it, how I can support others beyond it. That
shifted everything for me rather than holding on to that belief system which was so encrusted into my identity from being a child. And my breakthrough came when I realized you already deserve all the good that you desire.
Every desire that was placed on your heart that you desire to fulfill and impact and create and serve within this world was placed there by the divine. It's you already deserve good things. Now your actions are how you earn it and bring it into physical form. But you already deserve good things. And it took a long time to rewire that belief system. And to be honest,
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I'm probably still rewiring a bit of it.
But I've seen the transformation that comes from it and the great, amazing, beautiful relationships that can come when you allow yourself to see that through the lens of the just-world bias and how that little hurt child was trying to make the hurt fair
and take the blame for something that was never theirs to carry. And how that belief system transmutes itself into other forms until you actually bring it to the surface and allow for yourself to feel it and heal it and alchemize it and then let it serve the world in some purpose. And maybe it's serving the world by just
having more joy and being and smiling a bit more. Maybe it's serving the world by sharing about it on a podcast like this. Maybe it's serving the world by you just radiating more light because you no longer have that darkness that you've held on to for so long in belief systems that are not accurate,
that are rooted in hurt and pain that you get now to change. I hope this episode served you. Again, if it activated anything within you, please reach out to someone who is a therapist or a professional who can support and guide you along the way
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with healing trauma. I'm a big fan of EMDR. I'm a big fan of somatic therapy, cranial sacral therapy, professional psychology, being able to like talk therapy, whatever you need to take that next step. But it's your job to integrate your own healing. And you have the absolute power to be able to do so. And I say that having gone through it, having done it, having continuing having continuing, my English already, cont from continuing to do it,
and from truly leaning in to seeing the possibility that can happen on the other side when you do. I see that for you. You deserve good things in this world. And I look forward to seeing you in the next episode.
