How Can We Celebrate Wins Without Egoic Judgment?

crown yourself podcast Mar 25, 2024

Please enjoy this transcript of the Crown Yourself Podcast, with your host, transformational story coach, Kimberly Spencer (@Kimberly.Spencer)

In this episode of the Crown Yourself podcast, Kimberly Spencer explores the significance of celebrating achievements and the role of data points in measuring success. She critiques the coaching industry's focus on self-promotion over client outcomes and calls for a shift toward value delivery and client growth. Spencer discusses the pitfalls of egoic goals and the importance of humility and supporting others' successes. She also touches on the challenges women face in the industry and the balance between financial success and service. The episode concludes with a call to spread positivity and connect through social media for a greater impact.

*Transcripts may contain typos. We do our best to catch any human or robot errors prior to release. And we thank you in advance for your understanding. Enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, or your favorite podcast platform. And, you can always watch the episode on YouTube here.





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We good? Great. Let's get to the goods.



Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - You know, it's one of the funniest things about having a podcast is that sometimes you get to go on a rant because you just want to stay tuned for my rant on spiritual beings, on being spiritual in this physical realm and what that means, and how to not be a spiritual jackass. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Crown Yourself podcast. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, master mindset coach and joy bringer to the world.

Kimberly Spencer (00:01:09) - We're just going to we're just going to claim that title. And so I, I love celebrating people. And if you become if you're in my circle, if you know me, if you've been a part of this community for a while, I celebrate you. I celebrate the lock out of you like I am so excited for every single thing that you achieve, whether it's something that I've done or want to do or ever plan on doing or not. Like. I am so excited for you doing your life as you do and whatever it is that you achieve in this realm. So story time I recently posted in a community and I'm not going to share which community, but I did post in one of the many Facebook communities that I'm a part of about just having people share their wins, like some really big wins. And so many people responded. So many people were so excited to share their numbers and were so excited to share their big wins because it was really around some specific metrics of data points.

Kimberly Spencer (00:02:12) - I'm not gonna say which data points, because if I say those data points, you'll know exactly which community it is, but that being the case, like, I was so excited to celebrate these people. Like I know doing what they're doing, it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of commitment. It takes a lot of discipline. It takes a lot of time. Whether it's your time or your team's time. It takes an investment of energy, of your team's energy, of precious life force energy that you're pouring into something that you hope is going to leave an impact. And yes, it's not all about the numbers. I know that the numbers are a reflection point. They are not the be-all and end-all. And it's not about chasing the numbers. Whether it is your download numbers, the number of dollars in your bank account, or the amount of money that you've made in the year. Whatever it is, it's not about the numbers. And it is because sometimes, yes, those numbers are all ego goals.

Kimberly Spencer (00:03:11) - But you know, it's also an ego thing judging people for having an ego goal. So yes, in the physical realm, there are what are called ego goals. And it's like, yes, there's some point in you and we've talked about this before as far as like what numbers mean. And there is a perception of certain numbers meaning certain things, like you have a certain number of followers, it means that you have popularity or influence. If you have a certain amount of dollars that you make in a year, it means that you're successful in business. Like there are certain things, certain numbers that typically overarching in society, connote a complex equivalence. And it's called a complex equivalence in NLP, where it's basically this equals this. Now we get into trouble when we have this equals this. So if I'm not a $1 million business owner then I'm a failure. Know that that's not true. And if I'm not a top 1% podcaster, then I'm a failure. That's also not true. Like you're your work in whatever capacity you are working, as long as it's of service and helping people and with the intention of putting good work into the world.

Kimberly Spencer (00:04:35) - And you're doing it with a good heart and an intention to serve, in my opinion. Like, yeah, so what if there's an ego number attached to it? It's just a number. And so I operate in a yes and paradigm. I operate in a yes. And both because you can't run a business if you don't have data, you can't run a business if you don't have number points. You also can't promote or get sponsors for a podcast. If you don't share the number of downloads that you have, what percentage is your ranking? For some people, they wouldn't probably trust a business coach if they're like, I'm going to teach you how to scale your business. And they have had no business experience whatsoever. Haven't made a dime, but they're like, hey. And trust me with your KPIs, and I'm going to give you the exact strategy to make money now like now. So in our 3D reality and in our human form, we do need data points. And what irks me is when spiritual people who I understand have love, light, and compassion that they want to spread and just do good and have service.

Kimberly Spencer (00:05:45) - And yet in their love, light, and compassion, they judge people for having wins, for having data points of wins. And on top of it, when you degrade someone's celebration of something they are excited about. That's not spiritual or that's an egoic goal. How dare you like that? I know by me just saying. How dare you like that's my own egoic judgment. Fully aware. But like if you're judging somebody for taking pride in their accomplishments and guess pride is a lower vibration than love and compassion. But being judgmental, that's also a lower vibration of love and compassion. So check yourself the next time you get spiritually self-righteous in whatever religiosity or spiritual authority you have. The self-righteousness is where I have a problem. Like, get yourself off of your own pedestal and just be the person to celebrate somebody else's wins. Be the person to honor, to celebrate, to show that you care instead of degrading their wins because it's not spiritual enough according to your standards. I've seen this in organized religion. I've seen this in the spiritual community, like the non-church spiritual community I've seen everywhere.

Kimberly Spencer (00:07:12) - So it's called being human. So if we can take anything from this podcast and my rant, I always look for, how is this like the best thing that happened to me? How is this the best thing? And I'm actually grateful that it brought up the righteous anger in a way to say like, we gotta let people have their wins in the social media world. It's very often for people to either show the highlight reel and their suffering behind the scenes and when they show the highlight reel, then they get nitpicked and then they get, oh, well, it must be nice for you. Or oh, that's just sneak a quick win or oh, you know, you must have a rich sugar daddy, or oh, your husband must be your sugar daddy. Believe me, I got that one. Oh, I got that one early on. And I was like, yeah, when Spike and I first started dating, that was a big one amongst his fans because he was very well known. And I was like, yeah, my idea of gold digging is a one-bedroom apartment in Koreatown, and they're like, what? He doesn't have multi-millions of dollars.

Kimberly Spencer (00:08:18) - He was like, no, anime pays the least of all voiceover. So they're like, what about the royalties? And I was like, yeah, he doesn't get any. So 30 years of work is the same character. He ain't Mickey Mouse. You may think he is, but he isn't. So it's so crazy to me, to see other people's paradigms and how they want to view the world through the lens of judgment. And I think if we can take any lesson from today and from judgy spiritual people, myself included I'm obviously having a judgment for that, but I can call it out. Can you? Can you call out your own judgment? Can you call out your own moments of self-righteousness when you think you're better than someone, or more spiritual than someone because you don't track your numbers? I mean, that's also why I see a lot of spiritual business owners really, like, really struggle with success. And scaling their business because they don't track their numbers. So they don't have data points because they don't believe in egoic goals.

Kimberly Spencer (00:09:27) - So let's be real here in the physical realm, in this 3D reality, money is a reality. Numbers are a reality. They are data points. What matters is what you do with them. Like if you're chasing the numbers and you just want to put out things so that you can inflate your ego, believe me, I also have a problem in the coaching industry with that, which I'm happy to share since apparently, I'm doing a rant today on this podcast. So the coaching industry I realized as a whole over the past couple of years, I realized I'm not going to say that it's toxic because so many people are going around saying that it's toxic. And I'm like, then get out of the industry. Like, if it's so toxic, then leave like you have. There's no requirement for you to be in a mimicking domestic violence relationship, which would be a toxic relationship with your industry, with your business, with money. There's no reason. There's no reason. So you're more than welcome to leave.

Kimberly Spencer (00:10:28) - You have free will, and you are choosing then to stay in a toxic relationship if indeed you think that the industry is toxic. But I have such faith, I love coaching, and I love the people that I get to coach. What I have not loved is seeing over the course of the coaching industry's evolution. I, I gotta commend Brendan Bouchard on this one because I really, really admire his work he has been my coach, and my mentor for years, since 2018, and I have not seen him participate in some of the marketing tactics and principles that have been practiced by the coaching industry at large. One is actually, surprisingly, practicing cancel culture, which I think is counterintuitive to coaching in general because coaching is supposed to expand possibilities, not cut down possibilities. So that's one. Two is the promotion of numbers, numbers, numbers. And isn't that interesting that it comes off of the tail of me being upset, not upset? I'm not upset. It was just like peeved. Just like, oh, I gotta say something on this around numbers.

Kimberly Spencer (00:11:48) - Like, I am all for celebrating people's numbers. Yes. And I think in the coaching industry as a whole, coaches have gotten far more caught up in their own numbers rather than their client numbers, you see. One thing I really admire about Tony Robbins is that when he first started coaching and when he was building his coaching business, he was coaching billionaires like Peter Drucker, the billionaires, and he was still in the process of building his business. But he knew how to surround himself with the right people, he knew how to coach, and he knew how to work the mindset. And he admittedly shared that there were business skills that he needed to learn because that's a skill set. Business is a skill set. It's one I'm still learning and mastering. It's a skill set that needs to be practiced. But what I have not appreciated seeing over the course of the coaching industry and what I have also consciously participated in, in a way which I don't have shame over, but I'm like, no longer doing this in my business whatsoever because I disagree with the prostitution of your own numbers as a coach, I want to know how much are your clients making, how much is their ROI? What are they receiving? Like with the fact that I can say that I have coached people who have businesses that are currently on the New York Stock Exchange for $5 billion or the fact that I had one of my clients achieve her one-year goal of $4 million in just three months.


Kimberly Spencer (00:13:25) - Like the fact that I have these wins financially as a coach, those are my wins. Not the fact that I've made multiple six figures in a year. And I will admittedly say that yes, I did, I did for a while promote the 10-K month. That golden, shiny standard. And those videos are still up on YouTube, so if you still want to go and watch them, you're more than welcome to. But I just saw over the course of the industry that everyone's focus became on themself and their own numbers and how much money they've made versus really, I want the spotlight to be on my customers and on my clients. I love making money. Believe me, I do. I. Way prefer having money than not., I've had both. I really prefer having money. I prefer having the options that money allows. And I also like, while I. I have had some pretty incredible wins financially at the same time. Like, it's not about me. It's not. So at that point, I can understand what the spiritual, the spiritualist thinkers say of the ego and the ego attaching them to numbers and, you know, judging the numerical goal.


Kimberly Spencer (00:15:00) - And I think that while it's a yes and it's like, yes, you can share your numbers, but if all the numbers that you're sharing or how much money you've made and not the principles that you teach. That's where I. I take a step back because I've bought into business coaching programs over the years, and the shiny object syndrome of, oh, you know, I made a quarter of $1 million, I made half $1 million in six months, and I made $1 million in one year. And let me teach you every single exact strategy. Well, every single exact strategy. What I've found is that most of those people, are teaching the same strategy that they learned from another business coach and then copying their program and have not had an actual legitimate business. In a hot minute, they copied a program because they saw how they could do it better and then got results from the program. So this is why I admire Brendan Burchard so much, is he doesn't talk about the amount of money he's made all the time.


Kimberly Spencer (00:16:04) - Here's my ten Cayman, here's my hundred month, I mean, and he's doing he's he ain't doing ten game months like that. I think he'd be totally freaked out if his business was doing a 10-K month. I can't speak for him directly, but I can definitely say that. That man has he has built an incredible empire, and he's not bragging about his numbers. Like, I am all for sharing. Your number wins and I will celebrate the heck out of them. And how much of your client wins are you sharing? Because if your client wins pale in comparison to what you've achieved, you need to reassess how good you are as a coach. So on the one side of my rant, we have the data points, and that data points should be celebrated. And I understand and have compassion for those who don't really feel like they want to celebrate somebody else's data points where they're like, oh, these are all egoic wins. On the other side, I have seen the egoic wins, the egoic wins, where they actually take advantage of somebody else because their 50 K investment just bought somebody else's Chanel person.


Kimberly Spencer (00:17:13) - They left him with no strategy and a Voxer message like, no thank you coaching industry. I think the standard is so obscenely low like charge as much as you want, which is fine. I'm all for having the freedom of choice and people opt in to these freely of choice. And like if you're not delivering strategy, if you're not delivering systems, if you're not actually deeply serving your clients and you're just, you know, having them be in your vibe. Come on. I am all for the vibes. I'm 100% for the vibes. And you got to show how to adapt the energetics. You gotta teach how to adapt the energetics. You're going to demonstrate how to adapt the energetics and then apply the strategy on top of it and systems and follow through. And commitment. And I think that the prostitution of people's numbers in the coaching world is what is really turning off a lot of really great coaches from the industry as a whole, because they think that, oh, in order to be successful, I have to have a $100,000 offer.


Kimberly Spencer (00:18:27) - You don't have to. You can set up your business to do however you want. My friend Chelsea Descender, who was on this podcast earlier, started out with the group coaching program for $39 a month and a membership that she's building because she wants to coach the everyday woman. The woman who $39 a month is enough of a stretch of investment for their budget, for their family's budget, that they don't have the space to invest 50 K, 100 K and then shaming somebody because they don't have the manifesting power to be able to get, receive, make that 50 K, 100 K and that if they don't sign with you that then they'll be shamed and guilted and never achieve any modicum of success. I just understand why a lot of people think that the coaching industry has become toxic because of those marketing parasites that we have been taught, and, quite frankly, to chunk up for a hot second. I think that I see it more in women than I do in men. I see men on the pro-marketing side, and I get it.


Kimberly Spencer (00:19:39) - But that's nothing new. But with women, I see the women are the ones who are beholden to sharing every month what their numbers are every month or very often. And so they're constantly sharing their numbers. And I'm like, you don't necessarily see men doing that. Now we could say that's patriarchy, stress disorder. Like Doctor Valerie Raine who came on this podcast and that, you know, women need to take a stand and really honor the fact that they are making money and then showcase how much money they're making. But there's a lesson that I learned from one of the Real Housewives years ago, and it's always stuck with me. I forget which Real Housewives it was. I think it was like this back when I used to watch reality TV and I don't watch it anymore, and rightly so, because it's filling your brain with a lot of nonsense. But this one gem that really stuck with me said money talks but wealth whispers. And I see a lot of money talking. I don't necessarily see a profit.


Kimberly Spencer (00:20:46) - I don't necessarily see balance. I don't necessarily see service. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't. And I think it's the don'ts that have created an environment where people who have the heart to serve have been felt shamed on the one side if they achieve, because then suddenly they're torn down by spiritualists because they have an ego at goal. And then on the other side, they're shamed because they're not making enough money. So it's total catch 22 and it's fucking ridiculous. It's a fucking ridiculous belief. Excuse my French. So to break this pattern we're going to break down this pattern. First and foremost one. Celebrate every single human's win. Every single human, even that coach with the $3,000 Chanel bagger is probably to celebrate even that coach who's doing $20 million launches and sharing about their $20 million launches. And that's totally fine. But celebrating everyone sell is celebrating that person and celebrating them. Genuinely celebrate people who are doing better than you, because that's how you retrain your unconscious mind to make to normalize it.


Kimberly Spencer (00:22:06) - Number two, look at the data of the money or of the data points. You know, top 100 podcasts top you know, 1% of whatever global top entrepreneur winner. All the things, all those, all those what someone someone could say are egoic goals. Look at all of those. Look at the data and look at what you're making the data mean about the other person and what you're making the data mean about yourself because what you're making it about the other person is also about you because your unconscious mind takes everything personally. And perception is projection. So anytime you are cutting down someone for achieving something, then you are also reflecting that back upon yourself. Third, be discerning with whom you work with, who you hire, and who you choose to guide you, mentor you, support you, to coach you. Be discerning. Follow their actions. Follow their results. Are their results just for themselves? Or their results for their community? Are there results for the people that they serve? And it can be an and like no one is requiring you to donate all your money to charity like no one is requiring anyone to or forcing anyone to be one or the other.


Kimberly Spencer (00:23:46) - It's not an either-or scenario. It's a yes. And so yes, celebrate their wins and be discerning. So yes, they can make a lot of money and have a lot for their own personal growth and expansion of their own generational wealth, because that's amazing. That's amazing that they're getting to create and craft that legacy and changing the generational financial dynamics for five generations with the amount of money they're bringing in. Hooray, hooray. And look at also, if you're going to work with them, their track record of service, are they also serving? Do they show up with a heart to serve or a heart to just be served? Because it's a yes. And. It can be both. It can be a yes. And both like, yes, they show up. Yes. They are like, yes, they may keep tons of money. And oh, and are they kind? Are they compassionate? As my longtime mentor from afar, Joe Polish says, how do they treat the waitstaff? Are they condescending? Are they? Oh, you don't know me.


Kimberly Spencer (00:24:58) - You don't know who I am. Or are they kind? Are they generous? Are they open-hearted? Because those are the people that I want to surround myself with. Are they humble or have they? Have you achieved a lot? Do you have the humility to celebrate others for their achievements, no matter whether it's something you've achieved or are going to achieve or ever want to achieve? And do you have the humility? Do not put yourself on a pedestal. Of your own achievements. No matter what those achievements are, how fit you are, how much money you've made, how many kids you've had, I don't know, but however many achievements you feel like you put yourself up on a pedestal for that. Take yourself down off a pedestal because pedestals are very, very, very easy to tip over. And then you come crashing down. And that's when pride comes before the fall. So that's why. Achieve. Yes. Go after your dreams. Yes. Track your data points. Because those do mean something.


Kimberly Spencer (00:26:08) - You will need your data points if you're going for your EBITDA. You need to have your financial data points. You need to be able to say that you've made $30 million in a year. Like, you need to say that you can't be like, I'm sorry, that's an egoic goal. I'm not gonna put that on the EBITDA. Like, you're gonna have to put down some numbers and data points. If you're going for a sponsorship for your podcast, you're gonna have to put down some numbers in your data points, like, oh, you're a top 1% podcaster. Great. Awesome. The sponsor knows that they can then trust you and keep you grounded. Ground yourself in humility. Notice when you're projecting judgments on other people. Notice when you are seeing things in your industry that are causing people to lose heart and have the courage to speak up for that. Have the courage to say, hey, I'm so excited for your $20 million year. Congratulations! How well are your clients doing? They're doing great.


Kimberly Spencer (00:27:18) - They're all doing 20 million. Amazing. Let's go. But if they're not, or if they're not even close, or if they're barely scraping by because they had to pay for your $50,000 handbag queen, we're gonna have a problem. I have a little problem with humility, and I wouldn't want that karma. So. In conclusion. Celebrate others. Like, really celebrate them. Like, really deeply freaking love on them. Love them for their achievements. Especially if you know how challenging it is. Like, I remember how hard I fought for years to get to six figures. And when I did that, and then I did it again, and then I did it again and again.


Kimberly Spencer (00:28:11) - And again.


Kimberly Spencer (00:28:13) - Like that. That was huge. And that's why whenever I facilitate the round tables for the dames, I always really take a moment to honor the women who are in that room because they are in the top 15% of business owners like that. That's a percentage that deserves that. Yes.


Kimberly Spencer (00:28:33) - It's egoic and. It also deserves to be celebrated. Because the thing that the ego loves is judgment. Tearing people down or really swinging that pendulum to like being on the high and mighty. I'm everything. I'm all that. That's the ego pendulum swing. It's going to rock your world from side to side. And what you want to find is in the middle. That space of neutrality. Not apathy, but neutrality, where you feel that hunger inside of you and you lean into that. Rather than the pendulum swing of everyone saying you're amazing and awesome and how great you are, and let me show you how much money I've made, or how fit I am, or how amazing my relationship is. And then or on the other side of like I am nothing, I am no good. I reject my ego and any sort of data points. There is a balance you have. It starts with a yes ending and it starts with truly, deeply loving people. Like just love on them. Whether you are in a position where you get to coach, mentor, or guide and get paid very well for it.


Kimberly Spencer (00:29:58) - Love on those people. Whether you're in the position on the flip side, where you're the one getting praise because you achieve something. Let people love you. Let people receive that love. Allow yourself to be seen in your light. And allow yourself to check your light when it's growing so bright that it's blinding you from your own humility. So if this podcast served, if my mini rant has helped you in any way, please do me a favor and share it with a friend who needs a good chortle. If you think I couldn't even figure out how we did that I laughed and I was like a chortle. Sounds really appropriate for this podcast and thank you so much for listening. I so appreciate you and just being here with you. And I love just picturing you on the other side of this mic. Like we are just having coffee, like two girlfriends hanging out, not doing small talk, but really looking at industry-wide challenges and problems that we have an opportunity to face and to challenge, like to challenge the challenges and say, look, we're better than this.


Kimberly Spencer (00:31:15) - We can do better. We can love people better. We can be more compassionate. Let's freakin go! Thank you so much. As always, own your throne. Mind your business because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you. Be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend.


Kimberly Spencer (00:31:38) - Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.

The Crown Yourself Podcast is a fast-growing self-improvement podcast, ranked in the top #200 personal-development podcasts in two countries, so far,  out of 4.5 million podcasts. Each week, you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.




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