Don’t buy the habit lie.

Uncategorized Feb 12, 2023

Over the past year, between all the packing, unpacking, children, grief-processing, travel, and fun of the ups and downs, time had shifted. I had shifted. I had transformed from being an early bird - up with the sun, work out complete, kick butt start to the day - to a night owl. I spent my nights in the quiet solitude of my thoughtful reflection, feeling everything deeply - because, as my breath work mentor Gitan states in his book, you gotta Feel to Heal. 


At least for me, nights are best for deep feelings, creativity, and healing. Mornings, for me, are best for action, ambition, and the discipline of consistent creation. 


Not that one or the other was bad, or right or wrong. 


But, when I looked into the future and saw what is literally on the horizon for me, my travel plans (bananas), my kids' schedules, and our businesses, I knew that staying a night owl wasn’t a sustainable model for all that I desire to create this year. 


And, because I had honored, without judgment, the deep feelings and intuitive shift in my schedule for the past year, instead of powering through, I feel near to completion in my own grief cycle. 


Sure, stuff still comes up from time to time - I’m human too. But when it does, I acknowledge it, feel it, explore the meaning behind it, and process it as needed. And it’s coming up less and less. 


I find myself getting more excited for the future ahead - a sign that the end of the past of grieving is coming to an end. 


And as such, my habits are adapting accordingly.


There is this myth in performance that once you establish a habit, that habit has to stay a habit until the end of time.


Not so.


That myth is built on a robotic hyper-masculine linear model of Industrialization. It’s trying to put a pin in the perfect model of productivity, set to high 100% of the time. 


Humans are Natural beings.


Nature is cyclical.


Humans are cyclical. 


And thus, you will evolve through seasons…and your habits will (and should) as well. 


You will have your winters of dark, intense healing and renewal. In this season, it may look like you’re not “achieving” a lot by the world’s standards. Your habits may look like more rest, more solitude, quieter, less travel, and less activity. I call this the “cocoon.” I wrote about this frequently after my father passed. I chose not to speed through my evolution, and instead trust that Nature was going to work its course and grow my wings. 


Trying to “power through” your winter only prolongs the freeze.


There is “spring” when you are planting ideas, fertilizing new potential, beginning new habits, and springing into new action. High performers love this season and often like to think that this season is everlasting. But have you ever tried springing when it’s cold?


Your muscles seize and spasm. 


It is when our own egos delude us to the season of our lives, directing us away from the RIGHT action of the moment, into the myth that “springing” into action is the only form of action.


Not so.


Healing is an action. Rest is an action. Reflecting is an action. 


All right, when at the right time. 


Similarly, you will have your hot passionate “summer.” This is the season praised by high achievers and productivity experts who set an expectation that you’re supposed to be “hot” in your productivity, always on, 100% of the time. Could you imagine living only in summer 100% of the time? 


Sure you can, it’s called burnout. 


And, then, you have fallen. This is the season everyone thinks they want to be in, where you’re feeling free and reaping the benefits of the hard work that you put in. Problem is, for many due to the plagiarized programming of society and our own belief systems (and sometimes trauma responses), high achievers keep turning up the heat for more work.


They make the mistake of trying to chase their autumn harvest, the bounty of their labors, but never live in it. 


Nature doesn’t chase fall. 


Fall happens. 


Seasons change.


But, because we as humans have free will, we consciously or unconsciously choose to live in a particular season, trying to sustain habits that don’t suit our season. 


Imagine a farmer trying to harvest from the frozen winter, or plant right before a freeze - nothing would grow.


The divine timing of the season you are currently in must be reflected in the habits you have for that season. 


One of the questions I regularly ask my clients is, “What season is your life in?” 


When you can identify that you’re in a proverbial “winter” of healing, feeling, and renewal, it changes the game for how you show up, the habits you have, and what you do in your business.


Let me be clear though, your life’s seasons do NOT necessarily tie into the actual seasons of Nature. 


Sometimes a “season” can last a month.


Sometimes they can last a year, especially with the grief of losing a loved one. I know my winter lasted a good 2 years after losing 3 family members and 2 friends in 2 years. 


The only time I’ve seen them last decades or more is when you’re trying to adapt habits from other seasons of life into a season where those habits don’t serve. 


I invite you to accept the challenge of the season you’re in - summer, fall, winter spring. Accept the habits that come with each, the regular practices that are required for that season of your life. 


You are one with Nature. 


So enjoy the season you’re in, even if it is winter, for this too shall pass. Always. 


And a hot, passionate summer can be right around the corner, if you allow yourself to fully be in the cold and snow of your winters, and plant yourself when your spring comes. 


Remember, your reign is now, no matter what season you’re in.


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