How to Stop Tripping Over 'How' and Start Achieving Your Dreams

crown yourself podcast Nov 20, 2023


Please enjoy this transcript of the Crown Yourself Podcast, with your host, transformational story coach, Kimberly Spencer (@Kimberly.Spencer)

In this episode of the Crown Yourself podcast, Kimberly Spencer, a master mindset coach, emphasizes the importance of focusing on 'why' rather than 'how'. She discusses how the interpretation of data can lead to meaningful change, using examples from weight loss and business. She encourages listeners to ask the right questions to unlock useful data and warns against attaching personal identity to it. She also shares her personal experience about the importance of quality over quantity, both in diet and business. The episode concludes with her urging listeners to ask empowering questions for growth and strategy.

*Transcripts may contan typos. We do our best to catch any human or robot errors prior to release. And we thank you in advance for your understanding. Enjoy!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or your favorite podcast listening platform. You can also watch the episode on YouTube.





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Crown Yourself LLC and Kimberly Spencer own the copyright in and to all content in and transcripts of the Crown Yourself podcast, with all rights reserved, as well as outright of publicity.

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For the sake of clarity, media outlets with advertising models are permitted to use excerpts from the transcript per the above release.

WHAT IS NOT ALLOWED: No one is authorized to copy any portion of the podcast content or to use Kimberly Spencer’s name, image, or likeness for any commercial purpose or use, including without limitation inclusion in any books, e-books, book summaries, or synopses, or on a commercial website or social media site (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) that offers or promotes your or another’s products or services, except without explicit consent in writing, from Crown Yourself LLC. For the sake of clarity, media outlets are permitted to use photos of Kimberly Spencer from the Media Room at or (obviously) licensed photos of Kimberly Spencer from Getty Images, etc.

We good? Great. Let's get to the goods.



Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - Hello and welcome back to the Crown Yourself podcast. If you have ever asked yourself stumbled upon, tripped up over the how of any situation problems struggle goal of like how do I achieve this? How do I get that? How do I build this? How do I create this? How do I do that? If you have tripped over that question at any point in your lifetime, this podcast episode is for you. I am warning you, I am in full Enneagram eight mode. I am so excited for this episode because when you shift this one question. Man. You claim your power in a whole new way and you become wildly more resourceful. So with that, I want to just, like, jump right in. Let's dive into the episode. Let's fucking go. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com. And I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker known to my clients as a game changer.

Kimberly Spencer (00:01:18) - Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello. Hello, my fellow sovereigns. And welcome back to another episode of the Crown Yourself podcast. I am so honored to be here with you. I just feel so blessed and honored to share this space with you, and that we get to dive deep into some conversations and questions. And I love it when you send me your questions on Facebook or Instagram or all the places LinkedIn even where email is probably best because my Queen team executive assistant, masterful email, queen of all emails, Joanna. She just dominates that. So if you really have questions like always, you can send them into info at Crown Yourself. I love answering them or leveraging those questions as podcast episodes, because this comes directly from one of those questions about struggling over or struggling around, struggling about struggling about the how the how of how to do things right.

Kimberly Spencer (00:02:37) - So first of all, let's look at why “how” become so important in our realm. When we are kids, we are not. We're working on figuring out how the world works. Yes, but we're working on figuring out it through the lens of curiosity, and we're working the world out for us with this absolute curiosity of like, what does this do? And how does this work? And why is this here? And like, let's, let's test the boundaries and whatnot. But then as we evolve and we go into, let's say classical education standard as education, my words, standardized education, we get to the space where we're only being taught the what? Like here's what you need to know, and here's the how of like how the step by step by step. Here's how you break down the math problem. Here is how you put the chemicals together to create this chemical formula H2O zero hydrogen two hydrogen oxygen. I probably got that wrong. Chemistry was not my strong suit, but it's the how right? And the problem is, is that when we are different types of thinkers, especially for those of you who are the visionaries, which is a lot of you actually a lot of my visionary entrepreneurs, founders, creatives, directors, they are the why thinkers.

Kimberly Spencer (00:04:06) - So they need to know what the overarching vision is. But the problem is, is that they've been conditioned to think in terms of they need to know the how, and they get tripped up on the how, they get stuck on the how. And here's the thing. It's not that you don't know the how. You just probably don't know how to ask the questions to get the answers that align with what it is that you most want. So. We as a society, as a culture the human race is just drowning in data. You can Google anything and find out how to do pretty much anything. You can ChatGPT your way to asking some specific questions like, how do I start a business? And then it'll probably give you an answer within 30 to say like start to have a business plan, have an idea, have an offer. You know, it's not about the data, though. It's not about the how. It's about the tools that you have to interpret the data that is given.

Kimberly Spencer (00:05:09) - So let's say, for example, if you're not using ChatGPT and you're choosing to use a traditional Google search bar, and you Google like, how do I start a business or how do I make my first 10-K? You're going to be given heaps of different ways that can give you that answer. Right? There's going to be YouTube videos and podcast episodes and, you know, step-by-step blogs of like, here's the how. But we as human beings subconsciously will interpret that data in different ways. And you, as the leader of your life, as the sovereign of your life, need to learn how to interpret data that works for you, right? So one of the modules, when I'm working with my private clients, one on one, as we're going through the Queen Bee and King Bee curriculum, one of the modules is specifically on data. This is like the module that module and systems are the two modules that many of my clients either dread or like. As soon as I say, oh, we're working today on systems, they're like, oh, roll their eyes because, you know, you want the freedom, right? And sometimes the data can feel so overwhelming because we have so much data.

Kimberly Spencer (00:06:19) - Like what data should you be tracking? Like what data leads to what data like, what data leads to the outcomes that you want to create? Right. So I like to keep it simple. And because I like to keep it simple, I always like to equate business and money to fitness. Because I understood fitness, I understood the body way before I understood business and money. I actually through learning more about business and money, got more complex and convoluted in it because I forgot what I intrinsically learned when I was just starting out at 19 with my first freelancing business, teaching Pilates, which was to keep it simple, have a system. Very simple, but you have to know what data actually are, the levers that create change. And sometimes you know this intrinsically. Sometimes you'll get a gut feeling the tool is due. Are you asking the right questions to unlock the data, to mean something that will allow you to change? This is evolving the house. So it's not. It's not just about the how.

Kimberly Spencer (00:07:24) - It's like, what does that how mean? What does that data mean? So when we're looking at data let's let's use the weight example. Let's use the very keen common goal to lose a couple of pounds. Well, you probably want to start tracking some data about how much you're consuming. That's just very basic. And you probably would also want to track some data around how much you're spending. That's also data. So similarly the same is true in your business. You want to look at the how of what are you consuming, like how many calories or how much cash, or is your business consuming and how much are you spending out? If you are spending more than you are earning, then that is probably where the bottleneck is. So that is the data. It doesn't mean that you're a bad business owner, just like it doesn't mean if you're eating more than you which is it's interesting because in the body it's kind of reversed than it is in business or in finances, in the body, if you're eating more than you're actually spending, then you're probably either gaining weight or maintaining the same weight that you currently have.

Kimberly Spencer (00:08:39) - And it's very basic. But it doesn't mean that you don't know how to lose weight, or that you'll never lose weight. Or it doesn't mean that you're like, bad. It doesn't mean that you are a bad person, have a bad body because your body is not losing weight. No, you're just consuming a few too many calories, probably like, and not moving your body enough. Very simple. The same is true in business, but we can't violate this identity to attach ourselves to it. Like the how? Because that's how we've been programmed. Is that the how is all that there is? The what, the how, and the what are all that there is. And we attach our identity of like, oh, then it must mean me because then we make ourselves the why. But that's not the case. So when you look at the data of your business, it's like, okay, what are you bringing in? What are you putting out? It's a simple law of cause and effect. So then you have to look at what are the right questions to unlock the data to mean something that will allow for change.

Kimberly Spencer (00:09:46) - So if you're making the data mean that you suck, which you don't. Of course, you're a sovereign, glorious human being, but if you're making it mean that, then you're going to get tripped up on the how you're going to get tripped up on like because you're making it mean more than what it actually is if you make it mean something that allows for change. If you say, oh, that just means I am consuming more or spending more than I should be. Okay, great.

Kimberly Spencer (00:10:19) - Cut that shit out.

Kimberly Spencer (00:10:22) - My example is when I first started. After I had Declan, I was like, you know, I'd like to lose those extra £30. And of course, you know, ten, 12 of them already came off with just giving birth in general. But I had that extra £10 that I wanted to get rid of, and I was like, okay, let's see what's going on. So I looked at the data and I was like, did what I did to start repairing my relationship with food and my body when I was over a decade ago, when I was bulimic, and I started looking at what I was putting in my body and what I was consuming, and I realized, oh my God, no wonder I haven't been losing the £10 I have been eating like I was still pregnant.

Kimberly Spencer (00:11:04) - So I was still consuming that extra like 200 to 300 extra calories per day. And I was like, okay. And I wasn't burning it. I wasn't spending it, I was I mean, I was breastfeeding, but I wasn't exercising, so I knew that that just meant I had to evolve how to adapt to the change that, oh, I just needed to spend more energy, which means I needed to go to the gym. Very simple. That was how I sorted the data. That was how I described the data that was. I didn't make anything personal about me. It was simple data analytics, basically. But it's because when we make that data means something about ourselves. I didn't make it mean, oh my gosh, I'm an idiot. I made it mean very simply, oh, I just need to spend more energy. Great. The same is true with finances. So when you look at what is, what are those lever points that allow you to change? Now when I had Colton, my second child, the data was a little different.

Kimberly Spencer (00:12:06) - I had I looked at, oh, I'm not consuming more calories and I am burning energy. So why then still do I have this extra £10 on me and. Of course, I love my body the way that it is, and I also like to be fit in at a healthy BMI and with a strong, you know, a good body fat percentage. And I said, okay, well, let's look at deeper data. So it's not just calories in, calories out. Let's look at the data on hormones. Let's look at the data on the amount of protein I'm consuming. And I wasn't I was consuming more, even though I was still eating a good amount of calories to burn rate. The amount of protein that I was consuming wasn't enough. And so I was like, oh, that's a simple one. I'll just up my protein. And that was a game changer. So the data is allowed to evolve, right? So same within business or finances. Maybe it's not just calories in calories out, but maybe it's the quality of calories that you're consuming.

Kimberly Spencer (00:13:15) - So for example, if you're doing a service-based business where you're servicing people one on one and you're starting to feel burnt out with your own energy and you're tired, but you have the calories coming in, meaning like you have the cash flow coming in and you're not spending more than your you're earning, but you're still exhausted and you're looking at your energy as a business leader and you're like, what is up? Maybe it's the quality of calories that you're consuming, right? Maybe it's the fact that you're doing so many one-on-ones that you're just exhausted. Maybe you have too many programs. I know I've never struggled with that one. There was one point in my business where I had 11 courses, self-study courses going with marketing funnels, emails, and customer service at the same time. And oh my God, was I exhausted from managing all of them? And then not only that, it was the amount and quality and amount of customers I had coming into each of them collectively was causing more problems than if I just combine them into one solid course, because then it was like, oh, I have to have an answer for this one.

Kimberly Spencer (00:14:25) - And then there's an SOP for this one, and then there's an issue. And it was it was too much, it was too much. And I had to simplify. And a lot of times that comes down to maybe it's the quality of calories you're consuming. Maybe it's a simplification that's actually needed. Maybe you need to actually go back to more basics, maybe just like, you know, if the quality of calories that you're consuming is just pure crap, but you're consuming less calories, you're probably going to have some struggles with weight loss. The same is true with business. Like if you're doing a ton of affiliate payments or affiliate links to other people's stuff, and you're constantly tracking down all that money and then you're like, exhausted because you have 15,000 different products that you're constantly selling, promoting, and all that. Without a team, yeah, you're going to be spent a bit and your energy is going to be spent. So it's not necessarily about the how. It's about what is the quality of the question that you're asking so that you can produce the results that you want.

Kimberly Spencer (00:15:23) - So if we want the result of having more freedom in our lives and in our businesses, ruling more as sovereign then what are the questions that you need to ask to unlock the right amount of data that will allow for change goes back to that question. So maybe the right question is who do I need to support me? In order to produce a change. So I'm not doing all of this extra work. So when I work with podcasters, the big question is, it's like they know how to edit their podcast, they know how to put their podcasts out there. But. They're exhausted and not making money from it. And so the tool of the right question is like, who do you need to hire? Probably an editor. If you look at the data of how much time you're spending on a podcast episode, editing it, then probably who you need to hire is an editor. And then the question can come up from, oh, well, okay, I need to hire someone.

Kimberly Spencer (00:16:27) - So that means that it needs to be bringing in income. So then how do I get my podcast to bring in income so I can hire an editor? So then it changes it from being about an identity thing where it's about the how like because you don't know the how you're getting tripped up on this means something about me personally. Instead of that, it's turning into a strategy piece we work with strategy. Strategy can be adopted changed and pivoted. It's like I always tell my clients, it's not you. It's not you personally. You are so much more than the strategies that are working for you and working against you currently at this moment, you are so much more. You are a divine infinite being of celestial stardust like you're so much more than a strategy. Your strategy is just some programming that you've put in. And then maybe it worked for a while and then maybe now it's not. So when we look at a strategy of breaking down question by question, okay, if I'm working with a podcaster, it's the who.

Kimberly Spencer (00:17:28) - So the editor, you need to hire an editor, which means then your podcast needs to be making money so you can pay the editor. Right. So then how do I get a sponsorship? Okay, maybe that's not the right question. Maybe it's who I know that would be interested in investing in advertising, who has a similar marketplace. So it's changing the question from the show because how do I get sponsorships? You can send you down a whole rabbit hole of like, but I only have a thousand downloads or I only have like, you know, 13,000 downloads, but only 50 per episode or something like that. Whatever it is. Yeah, it's about thinking creatively and breaking the box of the data so that the data you don't let the data mean a brick wall that's stymieing you or that's getting stuck in your way. You allow the data to be fluid with the meanings that you're creating around what is being presented. And this is why I like the beat. So hard is the drum of data because your feelings will fluctuate.

Kimberly Spencer (00:18:37) - I see so many good-hearted, mission-minded business owners who feel like they're doing great, or who feel like they're doing so much, and then really, when they break it down, they're like not doing that much. If they really looked at it, they're not really that much operating in their genius zone. And I have been there too. So when we are able to look at cold, hard data, which can seem like really unsexy, what gets sexy is when you turn that data into some meaning, which creates evolving change in evolution. So then you start seeing greater results at what you want. So it's never about why you don't know the how, it's that you just need to start asking some better questions. And typically here's how to ask a better question. Stop asking why does this mean I suck? First of all, the question of why is only good when directed toward purpose and vision. It really sucks when it's directed in the form of excuses. Self-limiting beliefs.

Kimberly Spencer (00:19:40) - ET Cetera. Because your subconscious mind will go down a rabbit hole of pointing out all the things, from childhood trauma to that bully in first grade to that experience with your best friend who said that thing, or that person on the street who said that other thing where your subconscious mind will go down the rabbit hole to find the answers because that's how you're directing it. So it's up to you to ask the better questions, and the better questions will direct you towards strategy. The better questions are what and how are more efficient toward getting you toward what you want? And if you really want to get creative, then ask who instead of how? Who do I know that could interpret this data? Who do I know that could translate this for me? Who do I know that could help me? Because I see that the data is pointing to the fact that I'm spending all this money, time, and energy doing XYZ. And I know that that's not serving me or my business. How can I get that data to either leverage an ROI or how can I get that data to like, who do I know that can take that off my plate? So I'm not doing that.

Kimberly Spencer (00:20:42) - So allow yourself to play with the how in the form of playing with the data and playing with the meanings you're creating for that data, and you will find that your identity gets quickly removed from the equation. I hope you love this episode. If this episode was truly valuable for you, I know it could have been a little heady, but I know you stuck. You stuck here. You stuck with me. You. You stuck with me to the end for this. And I am so proud of you. I am so honored and so proud of you for sticking with me through the end. Because I know that talk and data is not always the sexiest thing, but damn when you can start falling in love with your data and falling in love with translating the meaning and shifting that meaning. That's where you create magical magic. And it's so magical. Its it's adverb actually describes itself. That's how magical it is. So share this with somebody who you also feel could nerd out on translating their data into meaningful evolution and change and transformation, because that is how we create this epic ripple effect in the world.

Kimberly Spencer (00:21:48) - And I'm so grateful for you sharing this episode with someone who you value and who is working on their own transformation. As always, on your throne, mind your business. Or as Tony Robbins says, stop tripping over the tyranny of how? Because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.

The Crown Yourself Podcast is a fast-growing self-improvement podcast, ranked in the top #200 personal-development podcasts in two countries, so far,  out of 4.5 million podcasts. Each week, you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.




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