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00:00: I know, when you see me, you think warrior, right? Hey, sequins are the new armor. I think it's safe to say that my love affair with sparkles, crowns, and Disney princesses still hasn't worn off. But, I never admired those princesses who just had to lose a shoe or get kissed to wake up. Every story I loved the princess would want much more than this provincial life, and because she would fight for something greater. Because she would face challenges, there would be a fire that would be ignited inside of her for a greater possibility.

 0:47: Once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed it was possible for her dad to be sober. My contention is that we are each capable of living lives of greater possibility than our present story.

1:06: Your life is a testimony for possibility. People are watching how you live your life, according to that testimony.  

1:18: You see, my dad wasn't always so drunk that my mom and I would have to race him to the hospital. He wasn't always so high that he would barge through the door carrying a giant fireplace mantle. And we had no fireplace. When he was sober, he was a really amazing, generous man.

1:43: It was because i saw this dichotomy growing up that that fire to change my present reality my present story was ignited. Because I had something to fight for--possibility.

1:57: First, you must decide to take up that mantle. After over ten thousand hours coaching leaders to make better faster more aligned decisions I have seen that the ability to decide is the number one skill set that creates greater possibility and greater momentum and it's the number one skill set that most people don't do so well.

2:24: Funny thing about the word decide-- I get quite nerdy about words, so bear with me. The English prefix de means "off" or "from." The suffix side comes from Latin meaning "kill" or "cut down," so quite literally to "decide" means from killing or from cutting down. A decision, for each one of us, when made consciously, is quite badass.

2:54: Problem is most people don't decide-- at least not consciously. We either live in the land of "would like" or "wanting" or "it'd be nice if." Of course, it would be nice to have a million dollars, right? Or we believe that what we believe is not a decision to believe it. And so we don't question it.

3:22: Growing up, I believed that I was broken, damaged, and a victim, and that it would never be enough. And certain experiences growing up with my dad provided evidence to back those beliefs. I thought maybe, if I were smart enough and skinny enough, then — then — my dad would be sober. While it made me a high performer, it also spiraled me into a 10-year battle with bulimia.

3:56: The stories we tell ourselves are typically the ones we decided on with the least amount of consciousness and awareness, and they're the ones that we are constantly watching ourselves recreate day in and day out.

4:08: I had to decide to stop blaming my dad for my choices as an adult. After all, it was never him shoving my finger down my throat. It was me. Once I took up the sword of ownership, and I started to slash those beliefs apart, questioning if they were ultimately true and then deciding on a new story.

4:33: I decided that instead of being broken and damaged and a victim that everything I experienced as a child prepared me for what I do today--the person who is able to stand here. I decided that my ability to challenge my dad's behavior was not an annoyance but an asset. I decided to forgive.

5:00: A decision is a jumping-off point. Most people think a decision is just a cause, but it's also an effect too. Because a decision delivers  a result. The result can be a new perspective, a new habit, a new boundary. You may not like something that happened to you in your childhood, losing a job, getting a divorce, or getting molested by your dad.

5:34: It is what we decide what that experience means for us that determines the trajectory of our possibility and our life. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl called "this the last of our human freedoms," the ability to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances.

5:54: It is in the action of deciding who we are, how we see the world, what we want, and what is possible for our future, we cut down any other possibilities. When I staged my dad's intervention in 2016, I had decided I would not have a relationship with my dad if he were drinking anymore. I was no longer available.

6:17: A true decision forges your boundary wall of what you are and what you are not available for. There's no going back from an actual decision. There is only the next decision. And that next decision was on him. 

6:33: And just last November at the age of 73, he proudly declared after 50 years of addiction, "Kimmy today is four years sober." His decision is a testimony that you can transform at any age. 

6:50: My husband and i made a pretty big decision back in march of 2020 while vacationing in beautiful Gold Coast, Australia.  We decided-- what better time to live into our family vision and live abroad than in the midst of a global pandemic? We did it knowing we might not be able to go back--not even for a funeral.

7:18: Once you decide the next decision forges your emotional resiliency, commitment, and courage. So, as we waited eight thousand miles away from our home in Los Angeles for news of improvement while my dad was in the hospital, I had to decide. Three months pregnant with my second child, I decided not to fly home.

7:47: People said many things to me during those weeks like hold it together, "stay strong" but honestly though i didn't feel very strong. I felt very raw, and real, and ripped open. When did we decide that being vulnerable is not a strength? 

8:06: That belief didn't serve my dad. For the first week he had COVID, he decided to mask how he felt, until it was too late. Because of the shame and the stigma, and the plagiarized perception that being a man means you have to be strong. Without being real about what we feel, we lose our compass of courage to make the next best decision.  

8:35: Courage is like a muscle, and it is trained through emotional stress. It is in these emotional experiences that you have to decide: to double down on what you value or to try to escape the lesson by trying to escape the emotion. 

8:52: In the military, trying to escape the battle or desertion can be punishable by death. In life, trying to escape from battling a challenge causes our self-worth to die. Because the one person you will never be able to escape from is yourself

9:13: Only you will know what your next courageous action is. For one, it may be holding your boundaries with your child. For another, it may be leaving your marriage, or just speaking up about something that you believe in. You will know it because it brings forth the uncomfortable feelings of fear, and guilt, and grief, and anger. That is how you grow stronger

9:39: By fully experiencing the things that bring you to your knees. For as you do, you create yourself anew. In January 2021, my dad's death did just that. You must have the courage to have who you have been die to rise into the person that you are becoming.

10:07: My dad had many deaths before his actual physical death in January; ike the death of the alcoholic to become a grandpa--something that never would have happened had he still been holding on to that old identity. Talk about a testimony for possibility!

10:31: You will die a thousand times if you decide to live into your full potential. Every next level requires a next level version of you--meaning some part of who you have been must die to become who you want to be, who you are creating yourself to be: the thoughts you have thought, the habits you have had, the beliefs you would have held to be true, the feelings you have felt some of these must die to become anew.

11:08: When I remember the self-destructive, bulimic, 19-year-old me, I don't recognize her anymore. And honestly, I just want to give her a hug. That version of me died to be born again in a body that I absolutely love, that has given birth to two beautiful boys--a testimony to transformation.

11:34: Like the caterpillar who leaves its former self in the cocoon to be reborn a butterfly; the phoenix rising from the ashes; what generates suffering is living in the ashes of a past death, white knuckling it to some old story of what was normal, or "how it's always been done," to try to keep a piece of what was.

11:57: Like staying in a job that no longer aligns with your values, babying your kids when they're grown adults, or biting your tongue to keep the peace in a relationship. It's grasping at an illusion. And as a warrior for possibility, it is your duty to venture into the unknown of change aiming for the best possible outcome, for even if you miss you'll land among the better.

12:31: So yes a version of me died with my dad. An old identity of the hero who would swoop in to rescue him, the vigilant watcher who always had to be on the lookout for his behavior shifts--just in case. And that last bit of the princess who still needed to be needed by her daddy.

12:58: I miss my dad, but I landed among the better. For now, I am free from feeling like I have to save him and he is free, from needing to be saved and finally at peace.

13:17: On the other side of death is life. In nature Spring always follows winter, creation always follows destruction, and every death of who you have been is just stripping away a layer of plagiarized programming to consciously create and decide who you are going to be. 

13:38: It is through your experience that death, by death the everlasting life force of your full potential is renewed. A greater story exists for you, right now--if you have the courage to make the decision, take up the mantle, and claim it.

14:07: Your life s a testimony for possibility. And people are watching.

14:18: [Applause]